Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
