im drinking this country out of the recession.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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