My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This house was built for laser tag.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The ass gains better be worth it
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