Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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