Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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