There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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