I think I won the penis lottery.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Randomize
