No stitches, just platelets and will power
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
