all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
