just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
