Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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