My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
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I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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