it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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