I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
