is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
