he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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