roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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