Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
