oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
