Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
