My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
