He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
