Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
