Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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