Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize