I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
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My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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