he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
