i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
