I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
