His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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