it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
