who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
