I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
