It's Friday. Sex?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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