I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
