You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
