Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
