My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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