she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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