Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
