i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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