Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
