absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
