I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
