you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
