I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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