just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
