I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
