Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
