After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
