3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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