matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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