In the future we'll all be gay
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i think i just lost a toe
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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