Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
