areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
