why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
