if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
