Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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