He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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