I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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