Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
