I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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