I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
