Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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