The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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