It was confusing and full of hummus
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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