You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
