I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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