You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
