i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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