I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
