You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
