My cat gives me a boner
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
