Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
