Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
