Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
