I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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